Over Under

My life is just that, a game of over under. Some days I'm on top of it and others I'm buried beneath it, I'm starting to get whiplash I think. But I've learned and am slowly coming to accept that it really isn't a destination. There's no way to get everything in order and keep it that way, the balance is in finding order in the constant conundrum of life.

My house is not going to be spotless even if I do my dishes everyday and hang my towels up - I am never going to be good at unpacking after a trip, I'm not going to have more than enough money at this point in my life even if I do save a little from every paycheck - I make 900.00 a month and the rest is borrowed, I'm still going to be lonely at times even though I've surrounded myself with genuine people... and the list goes on. I moved eleven hours away from home, from a blessed world full of people and life because I sought a quiet life and space to grow on my own but my heart sometimes aches for that life and those people and yet I know that it won't be my home again for a while, if ever - and now I'm thinking it's time for a city.

My horoscope yesterday was:
A small feat you accomplish today could evolve into a much bigger achievement down the road. You may have felt recently that you can't tackle the big stuff because the little stuff keeps getting in the way, but actually you are covering a lot of ground just doing what you're doing now. You sometimes tend to feel as though you have to make big, sweeping changes in order to show progress. But progress is any forward movement. If you stop focusing on how many inches forward you moved, you will soon look back and realize just how far you've come. (Thank you new droid phone app!)

So now as I look back on my year in Mississippi and on my other courageous jumps in life, I'm left to wonder, I've come this far but where am I going?

The funny part is that I wish I could have been happy at home, in Charleston teaching first grade for the rest of my life, married with babies next door to the friends that I grew up with. My whole life I've wanted nothing more than to be simple and stick with the norms and despite that I've never been able to. So for all of you at home, I know it sounds crazy, but it's not in my hands or I'd be there with you now but know that wherever I am I love you and miss you!