I have replaced facebook with blogs, kind of. I am simply stunned at how out of the know I am without facebook and how many people have texted or called because they have tried to contact me on facebook and can't get me. I need to visit a friend for blog 101. I am not very savvy. Still don't know how to link or post pics etc. but I am ready to learn. In looking at some other blogs I saw a girl who had a link for happy lists. Every so often it seems she makes a list of things that makes her extremely happy. I haven't ditched my joy journey I have just let it sit for a bit to see what direction it goes and how it's going to require me to travel...
Last week, I spent some time on my alma mater's website! Hotty Toddy and Go Rebs! While I was at OleMiss, the university began re-creating their image. Over the past five years OleMiss has been stripped of all identifying factors excluding red and blue, "the rebels", and allowed being called "OleMiss." Their marketing slogan was coined and my was it obnoxiously slapped on any and all university materials BUT as an alum on a joy journey, it rang true. What a thought to experience amazing each day.
Dictionary.com amazing: causing great surprise or sudden wonder.
UrbanDictionary.com amazing: something that is so wonderful it is hard to find the words to match. Something that makes your heart beat faster or your heart melt. Something that tops everything else and always crosses your mind.
concordance for NIV online amazed is used multiple times in the gospels to describe the people's reaction to Jesus
So I think I will hijack the happy list idea and start thinking about the times or things in my life that I have experienced amazing.
1. summers on the Black River, catching catfish with PaPa, MaMa's breakfasts, being behind the boat from sun-up to sun-down
2. fireflies in Oxford at dusk
3. cards from the Carolina girls when I moved home
4. rocking babies to sleep especially naps with HG
5. seeing the sunset on a bridge in Charleston
6. dancing at the weddings of some of the ones I love most
7. 4th of July parades on Pawley's
8. the night the Ravenel Bridge opened in Charleston Harbor
9. cooking with the aunts for holidays
10. gumbo nights
11. the first day of rolling your windows down in the car even if you have to turn the heat on
12. Rock the Bus year 2
13. the strength of a friend who moved home to take care of her momma and put her life on hold
14. the ability of a mother to care for her baby through cancer and still be a present and loving friend
15. my Notebook fleeting romance
16. Sunday brunch
17. a good book, a rainy day, grandmother's quilt, momma's living room floor - all at once
18. red beans and rice when you're sick
19. butter pecan ice cream when you come home from college
20. porch parties with the Carolina girls
21. McFly Family suppers
22. the Eiffel Tower sparkling at midnight
23. jumping off of a waterfall in Hawaii
24. the smile of a child when they believe in themselves because you loved them
25. the power of a woman who still respects her country and the call of duty that took the man she loved
26. friends that became family and opened their hearts and homes to me
27. catching a fish
28. the dream of a home with open doors, a crowded table, and happy hearts
29. the excitement of the possibilities one life has to offer in this world
30. receiving puzzle pieces that put together the past and bring perspective to the present
Experience amazing...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Need to Know Basis
This is so cliche but I gave up facebook for Lent. I know that there is tons of media surrounding the social networking site right now but I think it's necessary. I did it last year too but not to this extent. Last year, I just said that I wouldn't check it and that I could have an hour a day on Sundays. I gave it up last year because one of those jack-in-the-box x-bf's that I notoriously have (I see a pattern of questionable behavior on my part, at 25 at least I recognize it - isn't that the first step to recovery or redirection at least?) popped back into my world for a short stint. We were catching up after at least a year of not seeing/talking on a regular basis and we both realized how much we knew about each other that we really shouldn't since we hadn't talked in so long. So it challenged me to consider how linked in Facebook was to my everyday life. This year it is deeper I am challenged by priorities, by where I am in life and how my discipline or lack thereof has/will influence where I am going. So as I learn the skill of discipline and hopefully start to become a confident grown person, I am challenged by how engrossed I am in this need-to-know culture of personal lives as entertainment, leisure and relaxation. And how much access I have to things that hurt me or that I could use to hurt others through misusing shared information. Now, I'm not saying that Facebook is the devil's tool or that it doesn't have its merit but just like any other possible antagonist it needs moderation, boundaries, and limitations. I sincerely miss the ease of sharing memories or a quick note to spread sunshine but I don't miss the thought that Facebook has made it easy to be lonely in the world, that it has given a forum for vulnerability that may not be appropriate, and that like janky reality tv, I sometimes turn to facebook to look at others' lives to take my personal spotlight off of my own.
So I deactivated...
I found a book of stamps in my wallet and I've been sending some emails, I favorited some blogs to keep me connected and give me an outlet for relationships. I'm going with the need to know basis approach this Lenten season - not that Y'ALL really needed to know all of this!
So I deactivated...
I found a book of stamps in my wallet and I've been sending some emails, I favorited some blogs to keep me connected and give me an outlet for relationships. I'm going with the need to know basis approach this Lenten season - not that Y'ALL really needed to know all of this!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
"The Choice is Yours!"
Ugh, I think it needs to be played to the Price is Right music every morning that I hear it! I teach first grade as you all know and every morning after some good inspirational, often ethnic, music and the national anthem have played our principal comes over the loud speaker, leads us in the pledge of allegiance, the school pledge and then drops a little piece of something into our worlds that is supposed to help us start our day off enthused, inspired, and challenged - no lie most mornings my outlook is O crap, I am completely winging this and in our moment of silence I am sending the big guy upstairs the loudest silent SOS a first year, frazzled teacher girllady can signal! After his Rev Run speech he always ends with, "Have a good day or bad, the choice is yours."
Last year, I finished grad school and began the job hunt. I was a nervous mess on an emotional roller coaster filled with high points of hope and dips of rejection. Literally at the last minute I got offered a job that I didn't think I wanted but was what I accepted as the perfect fit for me at the time. I woke up ready to go to work, face the day, and love these babies - as the year has progressed, I realize that this is not the idealistic grown up world that I so eagerly sought and that my job is yes meaningful to many but also demoralizing, disheartening, and in some moments degrading. After going through the job search last year and my future being in the hands of others, I came to a place of the Lord will provide - it was never a question of faith for me but it was not a peaceful faith - and I will have to figure out how to rest peacefully in His care. That was what was so unnerving about the job finding process, my whole life - where I lived, what I did each day, what I wore, who was in my life was left to the choice of others! As a believer we know that God has a plan and everything happens for a reason and every other cliche bible beating bandwagon believer quote that everyone uses when they are really looking at you and saying, "Damn, I'm glad that's you and not me!" But hold the line, when it really comes down to it and there really is nothing under my control - believing it and living it couldn't be more difficult.
So I say to you Mr. Principal, unfortunately, there are many choices that are not ours - including whether or not I am a teacher next year - but the choice that is ours is whether or not we walk by a faith that produces the fruits of the spirit throughout our journey of life and the seasons that we pass through.
I am yet again as a professional with what they say are exceptional performance records, a Bachelors degree, a Masters degree and certificate who isn't actually going to get to decide my professional placement in the coming year. It is going to be left up to men and women who don't know my name, have never seen my face, and who have wildly misconstrued ideas of my professional responsibilities as one of their employees to determine my professional place in life but this go round I am going to do my best to relish in the fact that I don't have to choose, that I have the opportunity to be released from a professional situation that has emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, and personally threatened to compromise the beauty that was blooming in my life without guilt, without regret, and without strife.
So I say to you Mr. and Mrs. Schoolboard Member: "The Choice is Yours!" and to you Lord, "May you be ever present in the coming days to bring peace, to bring joy, and to bring wisdom to a situation that is tumultuous, heartbreaking, and befuddling."
Last year, I finished grad school and began the job hunt. I was a nervous mess on an emotional roller coaster filled with high points of hope and dips of rejection. Literally at the last minute I got offered a job that I didn't think I wanted but was what I accepted as the perfect fit for me at the time. I woke up ready to go to work, face the day, and love these babies - as the year has progressed, I realize that this is not the idealistic grown up world that I so eagerly sought and that my job is yes meaningful to many but also demoralizing, disheartening, and in some moments degrading. After going through the job search last year and my future being in the hands of others, I came to a place of the Lord will provide - it was never a question of faith for me but it was not a peaceful faith - and I will have to figure out how to rest peacefully in His care. That was what was so unnerving about the job finding process, my whole life - where I lived, what I did each day, what I wore, who was in my life was left to the choice of others! As a believer we know that God has a plan and everything happens for a reason and every other cliche bible beating bandwagon believer quote that everyone uses when they are really looking at you and saying, "Damn, I'm glad that's you and not me!" But hold the line, when it really comes down to it and there really is nothing under my control - believing it and living it couldn't be more difficult.
So I say to you Mr. Principal, unfortunately, there are many choices that are not ours - including whether or not I am a teacher next year - but the choice that is ours is whether or not we walk by a faith that produces the fruits of the spirit throughout our journey of life and the seasons that we pass through.
I am yet again as a professional with what they say are exceptional performance records, a Bachelors degree, a Masters degree and certificate who isn't actually going to get to decide my professional placement in the coming year. It is going to be left up to men and women who don't know my name, have never seen my face, and who have wildly misconstrued ideas of my professional responsibilities as one of their employees to determine my professional place in life but this go round I am going to do my best to relish in the fact that I don't have to choose, that I have the opportunity to be released from a professional situation that has emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, and personally threatened to compromise the beauty that was blooming in my life without guilt, without regret, and without strife.
So I say to you Mr. and Mrs. Schoolboard Member: "The Choice is Yours!" and to you Lord, "May you be ever present in the coming days to bring peace, to bring joy, and to bring wisdom to a situation that is tumultuous, heartbreaking, and befuddling."
Monday, March 7, 2011
Gender Specs
Gender Stereotypes are a one of those topics that you cover in developmental psychology if you're going to be a teacher and then maybe in sociology or some specified psych class you have to take to meet gen ed requirements but otherwise most people just go with the whole boys are blue girls are pink, we hope they're married or using properly functioning protective measures when they make purple. There are all sorts of speculations about the effects of gender stereotyping, that's for the world to spend time discussing, I'm going to discuss how gender stereotyping effects boys and girls who live together as roommates who don't make purple.
I moved in with a boy and a girl in August. I share the bathroom with the boy. We are actually very good roommates when the issue of boys and girls making purple doesn't get into either of our minds. We take turns cleaning the bathroom, buying toilet paper and I wash the bath mat once a week with my white towels, good to go - until the boy roommate puts into effect his nine o'clock rule more than twice in a week. He had lady friends frequently having slumber parties in the fall. After more than one in a week I kind of started to panic because he was pink in the bathroom and I was green and oddly enough we had bought the same colored tooth brushes on accident so I went and got a new one. The arrangement was boy roommate pink toothbrush and pink loofa, ME green toothbrush and green loofa. I also in my bouts of searching for bliss while being broke spent a lot of money on hair products which - call it only child syndrome or OCD or Anal Retentive - I don't like to share these with random girls who I don't know much less have very little respect for without knowing them.
SO I take a moment to have a come to ME with the boy roommate. Here's how the convo goes down:
ME:"So you may think I'm a little crazy but I don't really care because I just need to know that the 9 o'clocks are made aware that you're pink and I'm green in the bathroom."
BR:"What in the world are you talking about?"
ME:"When your girls use OUR bathroom, do you tell them that you're pink and I'm green?"
BR:"Those girls aren't allowed to use the bathroom when they're here."
ME:"Ok well that's good, it kind of grosses me out to think that there are a bunch of random people using my bathroom, it's where I go to get clean. AND I know a girl, they're going to use the good stuff, not your head and shoulders."
BR:"You have nothing to worry about, they don't use your stuff."
Fastforward to March: BR has just bought a 4 pack of toothbrushes that are all different colors so that we won't buy the same toothbrush, literally the same one, for the third time. We now share toothpaste and shaving cream but he doesn't know about that one (shhh!) AND come to find out a freakin' loofa! I literally pitched a fit like a five year old. Holy grossness! What in the world, how did he miss this ME green You pink! Can you clorox your body?
I guess you can't really overcome gender stereotypes.
I moved in with a boy and a girl in August. I share the bathroom with the boy. We are actually very good roommates when the issue of boys and girls making purple doesn't get into either of our minds. We take turns cleaning the bathroom, buying toilet paper and I wash the bath mat once a week with my white towels, good to go - until the boy roommate puts into effect his nine o'clock rule more than twice in a week. He had lady friends frequently having slumber parties in the fall. After more than one in a week I kind of started to panic because he was pink in the bathroom and I was green and oddly enough we had bought the same colored tooth brushes on accident so I went and got a new one. The arrangement was boy roommate pink toothbrush and pink loofa, ME green toothbrush and green loofa. I also in my bouts of searching for bliss while being broke spent a lot of money on hair products which - call it only child syndrome or OCD or Anal Retentive - I don't like to share these with random girls who I don't know much less have very little respect for without knowing them.
SO I take a moment to have a come to ME with the boy roommate. Here's how the convo goes down:
ME:"So you may think I'm a little crazy but I don't really care because I just need to know that the 9 o'clocks are made aware that you're pink and I'm green in the bathroom."
BR:"What in the world are you talking about?"
ME:"When your girls use OUR bathroom, do you tell them that you're pink and I'm green?"
BR:"Those girls aren't allowed to use the bathroom when they're here."
ME:"Ok well that's good, it kind of grosses me out to think that there are a bunch of random people using my bathroom, it's where I go to get clean. AND I know a girl, they're going to use the good stuff, not your head and shoulders."
BR:"You have nothing to worry about, they don't use your stuff."
Fastforward to March: BR has just bought a 4 pack of toothbrushes that are all different colors so that we won't buy the same toothbrush, literally the same one, for the third time. We now share toothpaste and shaving cream but he doesn't know about that one (shhh!) AND come to find out a freakin' loofa! I literally pitched a fit like a five year old. Holy grossness! What in the world, how did he miss this ME green You pink! Can you clorox your body?
I guess you can't really overcome gender stereotypes.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Joy Journey
My Friday morning started with one of the sassiest super fantastic first graders in the world saying, "Miss Gahnuh, she a wild woman tuhday!" From a serious six year old, it doesn't get much cuter than that. It was one of those moments that is fleeting with my sweet babies and I can only hope to find a way to bottle up the powerful positive emotions of teaching that are blessed upon me one day to share with the world and take a swig of when my job seems like it is going to get the best of me!
I finished my Friday and bolted out of the parking lot to meet up with some faves to head to Hilton Head for the women's retreat with my church. The theme was fearless and I was quite stoked about it when I learned of it a few months ago. When I made my leap of faith to fly and see how far my wings could take me a few years ago, the Taylor Swift song "Fearless" was my anthem even though it had nothing to do with uprooting your life, moving half way across the country with what could fit in your car, no place to live, and not a soul in sight who I knew but the word just resonated so I rocked it!
When I got to HHI (probably my least favorite place, second only to MB in SC) I was exhausted. First off, I was late even though I tried to be on time so my sweet friends that I was riding with who are super punctual were super anxious - add me to the car who really doesn't like to talk to people except other teachers between the hours of 3-5 pm and we're ready to roll down the road! We were behind a horrible accident that stopped us on 17 for an hour or so after I took them the scenic route to avoid traffic, I had been sick for two weeks, I had/have ringworm (gross in itself even more gross that I now carry jock itch cream around with me in my purse and apply it to my shoulder daily!) and I'm an only child going to spend a weekend in a hotel room with four girls... Holy headache is what I'm thinking - nothing to do with the others more to do with my own personal space issues that have developed in my early twenties (post-traumatic childhood syndrome I think - that's a different blog for a different day!)!
The Lord showed mercy on his selfish servant (ME) in so many ways this weekend! The first was, we checked into our normal sized room with two double beds only to find that it had not yet been cleaned - suite upgrade, yes please! It was like the Lord new I needed mercy Motrin for this holy headache brewing in my brain! This among many other mercy motrins and beloved blessings were shared with me this weekend!
I try not to bring it home or share it because the world has enough heartbreak but as a first year teacher in a title-one school I have experienced a level of pain caused by the inhumanity of humanity for the past six months that I didn't think existed in the world. My reality is now splintered by a group of ten little babies whose lives are my purpose professionally and ultimately personally. My first prayer over the weekend was to be relieved of the heartbreak of my job. Through this, the message of being joyful as a fearless woman was revealed throughout the weekend. I called this post the "Joy Journey" because this is my goal to start living a joyful life among this strife. I'm not sure how it looks but I know that there are three guiding points that I am going to seek revelation from as this story unfolds.
1. There is a difference between a funny moment and a joyful life. My children make me laugh everyday but there is seems to remain a raincloud of weariness over my heart.
2. Psalm 47 was given to me as a verse, the lady wasn't sure why but she thought it may speak to my heart. I think it will play out on this journey.
1. Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy. 2. For the Lord Most High is awesome, the great King over all the earth. 3. He subdued nations under us, peoples under our feet. 4. He chose our inheritance for us, the pride of Jacob, whom he loved. 5. God has ascended amid shouts of joy, the Lord amid the sounding of trumpet. 6. Sing praises to God, sing praises; sing praises to our King, sing praises. 7. For God is the King of all the earth; sing to him a psalm of praise. 8. God reigns over the nations; God is seated on his holy throne. 9. The nobles of the nations assemble as the people of the God of Abraham, for the kings of the earth belong to God; he is greatly exalted.
3. I'm supposed to write it down.
So we will see how this joy journey unfolds...
I finished my Friday and bolted out of the parking lot to meet up with some faves to head to Hilton Head for the women's retreat with my church. The theme was fearless and I was quite stoked about it when I learned of it a few months ago. When I made my leap of faith to fly and see how far my wings could take me a few years ago, the Taylor Swift song "Fearless" was my anthem even though it had nothing to do with uprooting your life, moving half way across the country with what could fit in your car, no place to live, and not a soul in sight who I knew but the word just resonated so I rocked it!
When I got to HHI (probably my least favorite place, second only to MB in SC) I was exhausted. First off, I was late even though I tried to be on time so my sweet friends that I was riding with who are super punctual were super anxious - add me to the car who really doesn't like to talk to people except other teachers between the hours of 3-5 pm and we're ready to roll down the road! We were behind a horrible accident that stopped us on 17 for an hour or so after I took them the scenic route to avoid traffic, I had been sick for two weeks, I had/have ringworm (gross in itself even more gross that I now carry jock itch cream around with me in my purse and apply it to my shoulder daily!) and I'm an only child going to spend a weekend in a hotel room with four girls... Holy headache is what I'm thinking - nothing to do with the others more to do with my own personal space issues that have developed in my early twenties (post-traumatic childhood syndrome I think - that's a different blog for a different day!)!
The Lord showed mercy on his selfish servant (ME) in so many ways this weekend! The first was, we checked into our normal sized room with two double beds only to find that it had not yet been cleaned - suite upgrade, yes please! It was like the Lord new I needed mercy Motrin for this holy headache brewing in my brain! This among many other mercy motrins and beloved blessings were shared with me this weekend!
I try not to bring it home or share it because the world has enough heartbreak but as a first year teacher in a title-one school I have experienced a level of pain caused by the inhumanity of humanity for the past six months that I didn't think existed in the world. My reality is now splintered by a group of ten little babies whose lives are my purpose professionally and ultimately personally. My first prayer over the weekend was to be relieved of the heartbreak of my job. Through this, the message of being joyful as a fearless woman was revealed throughout the weekend. I called this post the "Joy Journey" because this is my goal to start living a joyful life among this strife. I'm not sure how it looks but I know that there are three guiding points that I am going to seek revelation from as this story unfolds.
1. There is a difference between a funny moment and a joyful life. My children make me laugh everyday but there is seems to remain a raincloud of weariness over my heart.
2. Psalm 47 was given to me as a verse, the lady wasn't sure why but she thought it may speak to my heart. I think it will play out on this journey.
1. Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy. 2. For the Lord Most High is awesome, the great King over all the earth. 3. He subdued nations under us, peoples under our feet. 4. He chose our inheritance for us, the pride of Jacob, whom he loved. 5. God has ascended amid shouts of joy, the Lord amid the sounding of trumpet. 6. Sing praises to God, sing praises; sing praises to our King, sing praises. 7. For God is the King of all the earth; sing to him a psalm of praise. 8. God reigns over the nations; God is seated on his holy throne. 9. The nobles of the nations assemble as the people of the God of Abraham, for the kings of the earth belong to God; he is greatly exalted.
3. I'm supposed to write it down.
So we will see how this joy journey unfolds...
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