Most people have New Year's resolutions, they are typical and expected and often quickly forgotten or neglected. In years past, I have made lists and promises and put all the enthusiastic effort a girl could into these annual amends but the bullet points are the ones that have faded fast.
When I turned 21, I was dating this boy, we couldn't have been more different. Years later, I think he's finally gone, though he has a tendency to pop up so who really knows. I realized a lot about myself when I was with him, but most of all that I was doing this life thing on the terms of others and not my own. I lost a lot of friends, stood up to my mother and my family. We broke up sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas and that New Years I made a resolution to just start living, to quit waiting on life to happen to me. My plan was to start checking off my bucket list instead of adding to it though I wasn't really sure how I was going to accomplish some of the things that I'd said I wanted to do. Turns out that mustard seed parable holds some hefty truth and over the years I have been challenged to learn that faith cannot exist in the same heart as fear. But faith the size of a mustard seed is truly stronger than a life full of fear!
Sometime in the spring of that new year my momma and I were talking and I told her that I was tired of saying "I wish I would..." or "One day I'll..." I remembered my resolution just in time to hear a girl talking about going to work on a ranch in Montana for the summer. Two weeks later, I was on a plane to Durango, Colorado. I wore jeans and boots and most days a cowboy hat with a western-style pearl snap shirt for two and a half months! I met people from all of the world that summer. Week by week my world grew as I rode through the Rockies.
The next year my resolution was to break all of the rules that I had set for myself that were supposed to keep me safe and sane but really just made me uptight and uppity - what a womp! So, I broke the rules and got my heart broken but we danced on the beach under the moonlight at 2 am among those other romantic things that are typically only seen on the movies. I think that quote from Steele Magnolias sums that one up, "I'd rather have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." Turns out love like that wraps up just like the movies but damn it was good while it lasted! Big items on the bucket list checked off that year: I saw Lake Eerie when I went to Cleveland, Ohio - something I said I'd never do - and put my feet in the water. I also swam in the Gulf of Mexico when I spent two weeks in Naples, Florida with the same family that took me to Cleveland. Can you believe that people actually pay $25,000 a year to be a part of a beach club that you have to make reservations for that is only a 100-yard stretch of sand? But the water was a beautiful shade of blue and again, it was a bucket list moment. Thank you for helping me scratch off my bucket list items, _____ Family, I'm sorry I really couldn't stand your Charlie and the Chocolate Factory entitled eight year old but I still miss your little ones, they will forever be my twinkling stars.
The next year my goal was to be fearless - Thank you Taylor Swift! Even though your song was about a date and a boy, neither of which really happened in that year for me, I made it mine and I jumped head first into my bucket list. I officially left the Catholic church and joined my wonderful Episcopalian, now Anglican church. Though I miss worshiping with my family, I have found a community in Christ that challenges me and nurtures ME and whose people are truly full of grace. Two weeks later, in a matter of four days, I made a decision and moved. I packed what I could in my car and drove half way across the country to go to graduate school. I had nowhere to live and knew not a soul in Oxford but I made a home there and fabulous friends and fake family that I love dearly! So, I say just jump, if you fall, you can always pick yourself back up and if you fly, your eyes will always be looking up waiting for the next time your wings can take flight!
The next year I decided was my year to make a name for myself, to be the absolute best at what I did. I was tired of being behind stage so I took center-stage. I earned top honors from Ole Miss for my grades, though I didn't pay the $70.00 to wear the cords around my neck for graduation and have the extra line printed next to my name in the program. I was recognized as the top student in my program and received the award for most distinguished student and got to walk across the stage first at graduation for the School of Education. For my work in the graduate school I was chosen as an SEC spotlight student. I was one of ten nominees from Ole Miss to be a presidential fellow, none of us were chosen and very few in general from the south were, almost all were PhD's and attorneys but I was among the nominees. And finally one of my sweet co-workers nominated me as Teacher of the Year, I couldn't compete because I am a first year teacher but it is always an honor to be recognized and respected by your peers. I rocked it last year, I really did and I learned how to be proud of myself. Major Bucket list items checked off in this year: live in a college town, live alone, go to a football school, ski in the Rockies, see Lake Michigan!
This year, I'm still working out my resolutions but I think they're going to focus on finding my little piece of heaven in 2011. Peace and love with a little spice for me in this life!
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