Finding a little slice of heaven in 2011

Most people have New Year's resolutions, they are typical and expected and often quickly forgotten or neglected.  In years past, I have made lists and promises and put all the enthusiastic effort a girl could into these annual amends but the bullet points are the ones that have faded fast.

When I turned 21, I was dating this boy, we couldn't have been more different.  Years later, I think he's finally gone, though he has a tendency to pop up so who really knows.  I realized a lot about myself when I was with him, but most of all that I was doing this life thing on the terms of others and not my own.  I lost a lot of friends, stood up to my mother and my family.  We broke up sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas and that New Years I made a resolution to just start living, to quit waiting on life to happen to me.  My plan was to start checking off my bucket list instead of adding to it though I wasn't really sure how I was going to accomplish some of the things that I'd said I wanted to do.  Turns out that mustard seed parable holds some hefty truth and over the years I have been challenged to learn that faith cannot exist in the same heart as fear.  But faith the size of a mustard seed is truly stronger than a life full of fear!

Sometime in the spring of that new year my momma and I were talking and I told her that I was tired of saying "I wish I would..." or "One day I'll..."  I remembered my resolution just in time to hear a girl talking about going to work on a ranch in Montana for the summer.  Two weeks later, I was on a plane to Durango, Colorado.  I wore jeans and boots and most days a cowboy hat with a western-style pearl snap shirt for two and a half months!  I met people from all of the world that summer.  Week by week my world grew as I rode through the Rockies.

The next year my resolution was to break all of the rules that I had set for myself that were supposed to keep me safe and sane but really just made me uptight and uppity - what a womp!  So, I broke the rules and got my heart broken but we danced on the beach under the moonlight at 2 am among those other romantic things that are typically only seen on the movies.  I think that quote from Steele Magnolias sums that one up, "I'd rather have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."  Turns out love like that wraps up just like the movies but damn it was good while it lasted!  Big items on the bucket list checked off that year: I saw Lake Eerie when I went to Cleveland, Ohio - something I said I'd never do - and put my feet in the water.  I also swam in the Gulf of Mexico when I spent two weeks in Naples, Florida with the same family that took me to Cleveland.  Can you believe that people actually pay $25,000 a year to be a part of a beach club that you have to make reservations for that is only a 100-yard stretch of sand?  But the water was a beautiful shade of blue and again, it was a bucket list moment.  Thank you for helping me scratch off my bucket list items, _____ Family, I'm sorry I really couldn't stand your Charlie and the Chocolate Factory entitled eight year old but I still miss your little ones, they will forever be my twinkling stars. 

The next year my goal was to be fearless - Thank you Taylor Swift!  Even though your song was about a date and a boy, neither of which really happened in that year for me, I made it mine and I jumped head first into my bucket list.  I officially left the Catholic church and joined my wonderful Episcopalian, now Anglican church.  Though I miss worshiping with my family, I have found a community in Christ that challenges me and nurtures ME and whose people are truly full of grace.  Two weeks later, in a matter of four days, I made a decision and moved.  I packed what I could in my car and drove half way across the country to go to graduate school.  I had nowhere to live and knew not a soul in Oxford but I made a home there and fabulous friends and fake family that I love dearly!  So, I say just jump, if you fall, you can always pick yourself back up and if you fly, your eyes will always be looking up waiting for the next time your wings can take flight!

The next year I decided was my year to make a name for myself, to be the absolute best at what I did.  I was tired of being behind stage so I took center-stage.  I earned top honors from Ole Miss for my grades, though I didn't pay the $70.00 to wear the cords around my neck for graduation and have the extra line printed next to my name in the program.  I was recognized as the top student in my program and received the award for most distinguished student and got to walk across the stage first at graduation for the School of Education.  For my work in the graduate school I was chosen as an SEC spotlight student.  I was one of ten nominees from Ole Miss to be a presidential fellow, none of us were chosen and very few in general from the south were, almost all were PhD's and attorneys but I was among the nominees.  And finally one of my sweet co-workers nominated me as Teacher of the Year, I couldn't compete because I am a first year teacher but it is always an honor to be recognized and respected by your peers.  I rocked it last year, I really did and I learned how to be proud of myself.  Major Bucket list items checked off in this year: live in a college town, live alone, go to a football school, ski in the Rockies, see Lake Michigan!

This year, I'm still working out my resolutions but I think they're going to focus on finding my little piece of heaven in 2011.  Peace and love with a little spice for me in this life!

    

Flakey Friend

This is horrible and I know the two people that need to will read this but I've very rarely  been a flake in my life!  I have gone above and beyond in my pajamas, work out clothes, work clothes any attire to just be there!  Well I've become a flake in the past month!  I lost my super hero power of being in more than one place at one time/making legitimate believable excuses that justify being an hour late and getting away with it!  I ask for no forgiveness just understanding while I work through this.  I just can't be in more than a place or two/(read "slash") situation or two in one day anymore.  It takes me more than a car ride to get my game face on and get my mind right.  So as I grow up please throw me a bone or two as I learn about overcommitting.  Mt. Pleasant isn't 10 minutes from James Island and your emotions can't jump from family to fairly forgotten friends in the length of a river.  Getting there girls, just a growing pain and I'm sorry that you are feeling the growth!

The Weight of the Matter

I was a gluttonous girl this weekend in all sense of the word.  I literally ate and slept, it was needed, I have no guilt but my choices this weekend only served to highlight the seriousness of my little brother's (he's a fake little brother, not blood just a sweet bond) starvation.  Now, everyone in my world knows that I love good food.  I like to cook good food, eat good food, buy good food, read about good food, dream about good food, discover good food - it's one of the finer things in my life.  These extra twenty pounds were worth the twenty dollars I spent on good food, until I go bathing suit shopping of course and then there's twenty other excuses why I just can't control these extra curves. 

My little brother has been starving himself for three days to make weight for wrestling.  How sick is that.  Now I am no good at the starvation thing to begin with but there is a serious problem with this.  There are adults in his world encouraging him to starve himself so that he can participate in a sporting event.  This is as heinous to me as girls starving themselves to fit into clothes that are made in 36 sizes, not that I'm encouraging obesity.  He won't eat anything, he won't drink water, he is depressed and hardly talks.  This logic may be as demented as adults shaping young teens minds by instilling in them that athletics is more important than their health BUT considering the barbaric nature of wrestling, as a coach, wouldn't you want your players or minions or whatever the boys in monkey suits are called in that satanic sport to be well-rested and full of energy and strength during their match?  Or maybe they make them starve themselves to reach a weight that is medically noted as severe so that the boys are demonically pissed off and foaming at the mouth when they get in the ring?  Either way, I refuse to support Z in this sport due to the weight of the matter at hand in addition to the fact that I think their suits are utterly unsuitable for anyone to wear!

Russian Spy

So my boy roommate claims that I am a Russian spy, IF ONLY I could be so covert. According to him, I have 15 names and call everyone my family to cover up my true identity. This accusation from my roommate follows a conversation I had with one of my students and her cousin last weekend. The girls were in my car while I ran into the house to get my keys. When I got back into the car, one of the girls said, "Quoia, tell her! Tell her!" My dog was sitting between them in the car, I was really nervous because sometimes when he sits his lipstick pops out. I was mentally preparing for them to tell me about my dog but the following conversation occurred:

Quoia: "Miss Garner, you is white?"
Me: "What do you think?"
Quoia: "Nope!"

The funniest part to me is that I spend 8 hours a day with Quoia and I now see boy roommate nearly everyday, to the people that I physically see most regularly I am a black Russian spy, but don't worry, your secrets are safe with me!

Going Grinch

So I'm making another post. I have a good one about the boy roommate but I'm going with this one because we were talking about blogs tonight at a holiday party.

I have determined that nice doesn't really get you that far in life. I am the nice one. I've been the nice girl my whole life. In seventh grade, all of the boys loved me but just as the nice girl. One boy, who I should probably punch in the face the next time I see him - if I ever do, told me on more than one occasion that I was ugly but that I was nice and therefore a favorite. In high school and college, the boys told me that I was so nice and sweet that they wanted to marry me but not date me. So there's the boy situation and then there were the girls. In Bible study the girls would want to sit next to me because I was the nice one who would actually write the little, jazzed up "I'm praying for you, here's a legit verse" note and give it to them in the courtyard between classes. The ones who weren't laying all of their life burdens at the foot of the cross openly were laying them at the foot of the cross via ME's telephone calls at all hours of the night and day. They got comfort and love and I got nightmares during what little sleep I got - that is a negative equation, right?

So, here's where nice has gotten me after college. I have six extra keys to houses that I do not habitate (I think I just made a word up) but thankfully some of them are colorful so we'll just call my keys a permanent accessory. I am a first year teacher so after years of sending sursies for no reason, remembering birthdays and investing (not buying) into every Hallmark created holiday on the calendar I am now eating the guilt for being a forgetful and unattentive friend. And then came the holidays... four tacky Christmas sweater parties in two weeks is excessive even for the people who start listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving (a mortal American sin in my book). So now I am popping in and out of houses, homes, and habitats all over Charleston County in the jankiest, jolly sweater my two first grade friends and I could find. I spent $20.00 on it but I have to wear it four times, that's getting your money's worth right?

So I think I'm going grinch, I'm not spreading my nice so thin anymore. Watch out world, ME's going from tossing out nice nuggets to stashing them like a squirrel for cold, rainy days so if you see me with chipmunk cheeks don't make me laugh you might end up covered in NICE!

Co-ed co-habitation

In my new house on the sweet island of Johns just south of Charleston, I live with Susan, a 4th grade teacher at one of the private schools downtown and Jay, an electrical contractor. I don't mind living with a boy, he's very nice and agreeable and of course, he can fix things - ah-mazing! We chat and say hello and he says that if I need for him to do something, like clean the bathroom, all I have to do is ask! My poor husband, my roommate is going to spoil me! So life is grand with the boy roommate UNTIL I had to go to the bathroom - like you know THE bathroom! I know that everyone does it and it's a life function and yada but I don't really think I want this kind of stranger that I have to see everyday to know that I have to do that and furthermore, WHEN I am doing that. EEK!

So I tried to cover it up, which probably made it worse but it made me feel better. It wouldn't really be an issue except for his door is right next to my door which is right next to the bathroom door so we know when the other person is in there and for how long. In my effort to cover this up, I washed my and teeth twice and put my hair up - now he probably thinks I am a priss. I don't know which is worse!

Deep Breaths

I am back in the lowcountry after quite the month of sweating life out. My best friend/sister from another mother likes to laugh about how the state of affairs in my life is so drawn out. I am not one of those people that gets to pray for something and it is immediately revealed nor am I the person that can make a plan and have it play out exactly how I planned. The Lord likes to make me sweat it out literally down to the minute.

I say deep breaths because I had to take a lot of them over the course of settling down. I am technically back home but not so much I have found my sweet place in SC it reminds me so of Oxford. I drive over the bridge to work everyday and the landscape takes my breath away and I ask myself, "What did I do to deserve to behold this beauty everyday?" I have always loved the lowcountry and they say that once you have the sand in your shoes you will never leave and thus I have returned. I am a lowcountry girl at heart, my life is going to ebb and flow like the tides there are going to be ups and downs for me forever. I will never have the perfect life here, that I have come to believe will only happen when I am with my Maker and all of those that I love. My heart is forever going to be missing something or someone but that is what makes me so alive! I can honestly say that I have lived and loved - I don't think I've met my one true love but I have loved and been loved by many and despite my anxiety and concerns I know that wherever I go I will be loved!